this is the post that i have been putting off for a while now.... what a whirl wind of things that have gone on lately... where to start... well last week i got the chance to go to the temple crutches and all. what a wonderful experience it was. i felt for the first time in a while that it was all really and honestly truly going to be okay. so great. then the next day i got everything that i had work for with walking and feeling my legs had gone...its crazy how one min i can feel on the top of the world filling good and progressing, then the next moment be taken away. i have had a lot of time to reflect and ponder how this really makes me feel... while writing my home coming talk many emotions fled into my head and heart. mission the mission, companions and friends, the people i worked with, etc. feelings of failure, anger, hopelessness, sad, and heart breaking soon to follow...but then something wonderful happened, they were lifted up and replaced with feelings of peace, comfort, joy, happiness, fulfillment and so much more. i saw that this is the biggest trial of my life....why do i need to make it worse by letting those feelings of hurt come into play and rule my life. there are many things that are out of my control. but that is one thing that is in my control. yes there are days that just plain out suck, but there are days that are so worth it, even if its just the tender mercies of the lord that i have to cling to all day long. the tender mercies.... every step, every day every moment is a tender mercy from the lord. why not live up to it. i can not control when or where or how i will walk or feel my legs again, i dunno when it will happen. but i know it will happen, and having a bad attitude about it wont help. everyone has trials everyone has something they need to progress from. i have known this for ever...but the thing that i didn't know was that sometimes we create more things then needed,by just form the way that we feel. from the way we want to take on the day. now Satan comes into play here, because he is the one that has those kind of negative thoughts, but who is our master and who do we serve? not the one that wants us to be as miserable as him, we serve the one that wants us to enjoy happiness with him, and so much more. i know that this is the road that i am supposed to be on. i know this is the trail that i need to have. maybe its mostly for me, but maybe others might be learning, just like i learn from others trials. sometimes having the trial in our own life makes us stronger, but everyday every where there is a trial that we may help someone else with or that it might help us in seeing the way they handle it. everything that we go threw in return helps us, but will help others as well. life is hard....make it better...life is special....find the joy....life stinks sometimes.....make it better....life is worth it....see the miracles and the tender mercies everyday. i am grateful for this trial, i am grateful for the support care and love that i have gotten. i am grateful for this life and the journey that it is bringing.