....it has been far to long since i posted anything.... i dunno why it has taken me for ever to get to this point. The last year of my life has been a completely different life then i could have ever imagine, but the life i would never change. i have learned so much and grown in ways i would have never ever done all by my self.   
     
   lately i have been thinking on trials, and how we get so down in the midst of trials and hard times. why is that? why is it so much easier to walk around with our heads down and bogged down by emotions? though i am one that i believe a good cry, chocolate, and a movie night are just what it takes to make a bad day at least end on a better note. But what about after we have done all we can do, why do we let the feelings of negative stuff hang around.

   As the last couple of months have gone by i have thought a lot about this because i have been ornery, mean, nothing has gone right, and so on and so on. the other day i got a little in site of why it has been this way, yes i have every reason to mad and upset and grumpy for what is going on in my life, but why do i cheat my self and let those emotions stay around? Sure my legs may not work well any more, sure it is hard to get out of bed most days, sure my head is not clear like it used to be, sure struggle after struggle i can be grumpy about it. but why would i want to be? i have always heard that we are in the gospel of happiness i always believed that until i took that happiness away from my self, i was bogged down and mad because why would heavenly father take away the best thing i could ever do in my life and taking me away from his errand. It is not tell just about a year latter that i am finding out the whys and hows, i thought i needed them to get that "gospel of happiness" back in my life, but really all i needed was to look up.

     why is it that when we are in the midst of our hardest things in earthly life that we deny our self's happiness to make it threw? why is it easier to be sad then to just be happy at times? i am not saying we are supposed to be happy at all things and all times, because sometimes you need those days just to say to the world i cant take you on today and be sad, grumpy or whatever we need to be to make the next day better. some days and some trials just plan out suck and at times its all we can do is make it threw the day. But we forget that its okay to be happy in the hard times. it is not that we must just endure our trials but to find the happiness along the way. Heavenly father is not a god of sadness and sorrow but a god of joy, happiness and so much good. the times we are sad he is right there weather we feel him or not always has been always will. the times we are happy he is right there rejoicing with us. but do we deprive our selfs of rejoicing more? do we add pressure on to already hard enough tasks? i know i do. i am not perfect nor do i want to be, i make mistakes after mistakes. weather its the same one over and over or something new, i am harder on my self then heavnely father is on me. the lord said for give a man 7 x 70, we know that is to be for the people that may hurt us in any way shape or form, for me i always thought that just meant friends, family, just people in general, never did i think that to go for my self. Forgive my self 7 x 70 ? could i really do that? forgive my self for taking on more then the orignal trial by letting negative thoughts creep into my head....forgive my self for denying my self happiness...just forgiving...

   trails come and go but sometimes maybe the trials are the tender mercies. tender mercies are from up above just to say keep going a little longer it will all be okay, tender mercies are just that tender. just because we are going through whatever it may be doesnt mean that we have to bo bogged down in the sadness of it all every day, we can find the happiness or tender mercies while we are looking for the trial to be over. i know for me is some thing i really needed to learn. sure i cant walk well some days but hey look at the days i can? sure some days are harder to get out of bed but hey on the not so good days at least i get extra time to be warm in a cozy bed. sure my head may not be clear at all times, but those days that it is makes it worth it. trials and hard times are what we are here on this earth for, because some one cares about us so so much that he is willing to test and stretch us to become the best us we can possible be. why cheat our selves out of the happiness we can find along the way?

    everyday i may not be able to say i am grateful for everything i have been delt, but i know at the end of every day i can say i am grateful for a loving heavenly father that loves me enough to make me better. Going through a trial? how lucky are you!! you are being created to be the best you. you keep going and you keep making it through it the best you can, dont fake it tell you make it , just make it.

                                         KEEP MOVING FORWARD AND LOOKING UP!!