turning points.

what are turning points in Websters dictionary it says: a point at which a significant change occurs. we all have significant points in our lives that changes it for better or for worse. The most important word is change. Life is always changing weather we like it or not. Change happens in the littlest ways like the weather to great big things that alter our situations or life as we know it. change is good or bad. Lately i have been thinking about this. as my life has changed so much in the last 3 years, ups downs and all around i have been through it all. i have found out who i really am and where i want to be and the person i always want to be found striving to be. lately i have not been doing so great at that. i found my self to be a completely different person doing things that i didn't want to do, example like getting mad over silly little things that were out of my control and yet throwing a temper tantrum like a 2 year old. what changed in me that all of the sudden i was okay with that? why the change? 

that got me thinking. what was changing me ? what would be my turning points that i either could go on and be and ornery person for the rest of my life, or turn around and be me. well it was not question what i wanted to be. the next part of this i find quite funny because it shows that we can get answers from all things at any point and time. well i was watching the Disney movie mulan when the song came on "when will my reflection show...." yeah we all know the rest. i have listened to this song for how many years and now i start to think of it in my case or any ones life. when do we show who we really are ? why do we change around certain groups or certain people? why are we afraid to be who we are at all times? this is now a huge turning point for me on the road to not being ornery. because you we have significant experiences in our lives that change us, that we are supposed to go through for a reason so that we can go into the world and help someone else in a similar situation. so why do we hide where we are comfortable ? instead of being bold and saying hey i went through this i messed up i made mistakes but look where i am going because of it.

i am not saying flaunt everything that we have ever been through. but we live in a world that is fake, why do we feel we need to be fake in the way and hide who we are. i am a 22 year old who has made my share fair of mistakes, i am just now learning that its okay to own that. i am not perfect nor do i ever want to be perfect, i know we are supposed to be that way, but you know through my eyes my perfection is at the end of the day if i have made a difference, if i have made some one smile, if i am personally happy, etc, that's perfection enough for me. because the day i stop making any mistakes is the day that i stop learning and growing and progressing why would i want that? i am imperfect and i am happy, i make mistakes every day, i am not proud of choices i make, but i am grateful for my turning points to realize those things so that i can change. i have always heard, "be the change today you wish to see in the world tomorrow" i cant change the world, but i can change the person this world creates me to be. when all is said and done and our time is spent here, we are not gonna pack up our u-Hals and head on up to heaven, all that we leave behind is the memories people have of us. how we honored our names, how our family and friends were treated by us, all we leave behind in this changing world is the change we made in it. from big to small, weather it is smiling at someone to helping some one in need, to rising up to our challenges and showing someone that it can be done.

i am not perfect, i get ornery, i get mad, i have happy times and low times, i MAKE mistakes, i learn from them and grow, i have turning points that in this world may not mean anything, but to me they mean the world. i make changes and choices ever day to be the person that i want to be and not the person the world expects me to be. i am a latter day saint and i am dang proud of it, i am a daughter of heavenly father who loves me UN-perfect or even broken at times, because he created me. it doesn't matter what you believe in, just as long as you believe in something greater then your self. some find it in religion some find it in work or family and friends, what ever it is stand by it. because if we are not our selves who are we? i would rather be the person with the cheesy jokes and the smile on my face, then the person who silently slips away with nothing left behind. i am who i am because i have made mistakes, i have been who i wanna be, i have learned who i don't want to be, i have learned that my mistakes, turning points or changes are something that i should not hide, because of all those things i am who i am today because them, i may not have the answers to every problem in this world, i may not even know what to say in certain situations, i may not be the best of my self at all times, but what i do know is that everything is helping me learn and go forward holding my head up because i am who i am because of the things i can do and i cant do.

i guess this post is just a rant of how we have changes come up, we see our turning points then we feel great and wonderful for a bit then shortly forget them because it doesn't conform to what the world wants us to be. and this is just me saying i am who i am and want to be when i embrace the fact that my changes and turning points are molding me to be the best person i can ever be. bring it on. i am ready to not be the change i wish to be in my own life. i know who i am and that my turning points have guided me here where i stand today. who are you today? or tomorrow? who will you be?

keep moving forward.